Q: Who is “the Doctor”?
A: The Doctor is a “Madman in a blue box”. He is fire and ice; he burns at the heart of the universe and wears ridiculous articles of clothing that determine his regeneration identity and clues the viewers in to the fact that “I’m not Colin Baker anymore!” like celery, long colourful scarves, question marks, (obviously watched too much batman!), leather (kinky), bow ties, mad hair, ruffles, hats or fezes (or whatever the plural of fez is?) etc. He is a time travelling alien, a Galifreyan and Time Lord (all Time Lord’s are Galifreyan but not all Galifreyans are Time Lords – think ven-diagram!). He is almost a millennium old (probably older – men are a paranoid about their age as women, half the world just won’t admit it!). He is time sensitive and can feel the turn of the universe. He is pretty, young blonde sensitive and clueless as to why. He has two hearts for double the love and believes in the potentiality for goodness and understanding in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. He’s sexy as ‘Bond, James Bond’ and yes, women do have a thing about powerful and commanding men but don’t push it or you’ll get a slap! The Doctor is, in one word – Hope.
Q: Who is the TARDIS?
A: Suranne Jones on a bad hair day, apparently! I’ve always thought of her as a cross between Joanna Lumly and Elizabeth Bennett! She’s a woman who knows her own mind, quirky and eccentric and suffers for PDT on a daily bases! I think you can work out what that stands for. She is loyal and fiercely protective, independent, bit of a prankster and so, so beautiful. The TARDIS is a broken camilian circuit bobby blue Police Box who’s bigger on the inside in every way and the Doctor’s one true companion.
Q: What are the qualifications for a Doctor’s Companion?
A: Able to run a lot. Patient to the point of sainthood. Jeopardly friendly. Thinks outside the box both literally and metaphorically! Thinks big, furry creatures with purple eyes and bright green skin and pointy swords are cute. Zena, warrior princess! Loves tea, hates pears and cats. Slight death wish, martyr with high levels of compassion, sense of justice, morality and a fondness for Aberdeen.
Q: Sentences never to be uttered in the Doctor’s presence?
A: What else do you have two of?
Can I have a pony?
Doctor, what does the blue line mean?
Don’t you think the Daleks are just misunderstood?
Who looks at something and thinks, that could be a bit more sonic?
I don’t do running.
I never liked Janis Joplin.
Their puny war is none of our business let’s go to Blackpool and get an ice-cream.
Can you drop me off at mum’s next Saturday to watch the lotto, then pop over to a newsagent a week before?
