Why did Doctor Who surf the net?
He was looking for the Cyberman.
Why did the Dalek apply for a job in pest control?
He liked the job description - "Exterminate! Exterminate!"
Why is Doctor Who a regular at the dentist?
He doesn't want to lose his K9.
What did Bill Gates say to the Cyberman?
"Upgrade or you will be deleted!"
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the Doctor didn't try his TARDIS to save it!
What does Doctor Who have with his pizza?
Dalek bread
How does a Dalek keep its skin soft?
Exfoliate!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Doctor
Doctor Who?
Exactly
Dalek: EXTERMINATE
Jack:Is that a plunger or are you just pleased to see me?
A bunch of Daleks restoring an old mansion: RE-NO-VATE!
A bunch of Daleks running a hotel. They all chant: ACOMMODATE!
Dr Who was sitting around a table with 12 other timelords
when somebody farted. The question is who farted?
and the answer is Who farted....
Q. Wy do daleks eat apples?
A. because an apple a day keeps the doctor away
How many Doctor Who fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They all just sit around and wait for it to come back on again
Q: What does a Sycorax call it's pet?
A: Sycorex!
Amy walks into the TARDIS. She has Celery up her
nose, a carrot in her left ear and a banana in her right ear. The Doctor say's "you're not eating properly".
How many Doctor Who fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
11- one to change the bulb and 10 others to complain that it's not as good as the last one!
"Nearing the end of his tenth incarnation the companionless Doctor finds himself craving the company of great musicians and composers, so he pilots the Tardis to Carnergie Hall, New York City, in 1924, where George Gershwin is leaving the stage after giving his first ever rendition of his masterpiece Rhapsody In Blue. The Doctor asks Gershwin to join him as a guest in the Tardis. George agrees.
The Tardis materialises at the Woodstock Festival in 1969, where the legendary sitar player, Ravi Shankar, a huge favourite with the hippies of the day, has just finished his set. The Doctor asks Shankar to join him as a guest in the Tardis. Ravi agrees.
It's the year 2010, and the Tardis materialises outside the BBC Television Centre in London, which Andrew Lloyd Webber is leaving having just recorded an edition of Over The Rainbow. The Doctor asks Lloyd Webber to join him as a guest in the Tardis. Andrew agrees.
In what seems like less than an instant the Tardis materialises in a field late in the evening. The Doctor informs his three guests that there is a fault with the Tardis that will take him till morning to repair, and meantime they should go to the nearby farm and ask the farmer to put them up for the night.
Ravi Shankar, George Gershwin and Andrew Lloyd Webber approach the farmhouse. They knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and they explain the situation. The farmer is willing to help them, but says that he only has two spare beds and that one of them has to sleep in the barn. George and Andrew take the beds and Ravi makes his way to the barn.
Ten minutes later there is a knock on the farmhouse door. The farmer opens the door to an unhappy Ravi Shankar.
"I'm not sleeping in that barn!" says Ravi "There's a cow in the barn, and that's a sacred animal to we Hindus. I am not worthy to share a barn with a cow!"
"Have my bed, Ravi," says George Gershwin "I'll sleep in the barn." George makes his way to the barn.
Ten minutes later there is a knock on the farmhouse door. The farmer opens the door to an unhappy George Gershwin.
"I'm not sleeping in that barn!" says George "There's a pig in the barn, and that's an unclean animal to we Jews. I refuse to share a barn with an animal that is not kosher!"
"Have my bed, George," says Andrew Lloyd Webber "I am neither Hindu nor Jewish, so I'll sleep in the barn." Andrew makes his way to the barn.
Ten minutes later there is a knock on the farmhouse door. The farmer opens the door.
It's the cow and the pig. "
Q. How can Daleks tell each other apart?
A. Thay. Jast. Caan.
Q: What do Daleks do with illegal immigrants?
A: E-X-P-A-T-R-I-A-T-E!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Matt Smith
Who??????????????
Q: Did you know that chefs all over the world are worried about a shortage of herbs over Christmas?
A: It's because many people are predicting we'll see The End of Thyme.
Q: Have you heard that Sigma, the Master and the Abzorbaloff are making a new movie?
A: It's called The Ood, The Bad and The Ugly.
Q: Who is the scariest Time Lord?
A: Doctor Boo!
Q: What do you call an angry Dalek creator?
A: Davcross
Q: What do you call a frightened Time Lord?
A: A Gallifreydee cat!
The Doctor: I say, I say, I say, K-9's been damaged on a nearby star.
Sarah Jane: Sirius?
The Doctor: No, he'll be fine
A Dalek went to the job centre looking for a job, but in the end he didn't apply for any because there wasn't any temporal-shift work...
Be Warned some of these are positively cringeworthy!
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